{"id":2174,"date":"2023-12-16T03:17:18","date_gmt":"2023-12-16T04:17:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/shinsori.me\/?p=2174"},"modified":"2023-12-16T05:11:26","modified_gmt":"2023-12-16T05:11:26","slug":"lyndseys-journey-a-story-of-domestic-violence-millions-will-relate-to","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/shinsori.me\/index.php\/2023\/12\/16\/lyndseys-journey-a-story-of-domestic-violence-millions-will-relate-to\/","title":{"rendered":"Lyndsey\u2019s journey: A story of domestic violence millions will relate to"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\"Lyndsey<\/p>\n

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Lyndsey gets emotional while talking about surviving an abusive relationship for years during an interview at her home in Santaquin on Tuesday, Oct. 24, 2023.<\/p>\n<\/figcaption><\/span><\/p>\n

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Kristin Murphy, Deseret News<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/figure>\n

Editor\u2019s note: <\/b>This is part of a three-story package on domestic violence issues in Utah following months of reporting by the Deseret News and KSL NewsRadio. The package includes stories about those involved in the crisis, a dive into the numbers in the state and the nation and possible solutions state leaders are considering.<\/i><\/p>\n

At first, it was controlling behavior. The years passed, and it morphed into threats, verbal abuse and manipulation. She was hardly allowed to leave home, and he knew just about every text she sent, every call she made and every dollar she spent. Ten years into their marriage, he started hitting her. She said one night she thought he was going to kill her. <\/p>\n

It\u2019s a common story for millions of women. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 1 in 3 U.S. women will experience some kind of physical violence from an intimate partner in their life.<\/p>\n

But this isn\u2019t a fictional anecdote. This is the story of Lyndsey, a Utah mother and survivor of domestic violence who endured abuse over more than a decade from her then husband. Lyndsey\u2019s journey offers a disturbing yet important window into a cycle of abuse that for many will sound all too familiar. <\/p>\n

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Lyndsey describes herself as a \u201cbit of a loner\u201d in high school. She didn\u2019t have a lot of friends, and neither did the man she would later marry. They bonded over their independence, and started dating when she was 16 years old. <\/p>\n

Her parents didn\u2019t approve of the relationship, so as soon as she turned 18 years old, she moved in with him. She didn\u2019t have career aspirations and she didn\u2019t want to move out of Utah, or even her county. \u201cI wanted to be a mom,\u201d Lyndsey says from the living room of her home in the Utah County suburbs. \u201cA really, really good mom. It was easy to take advantage of that.\u201d <\/p>\n

Lyndsey has told her story publicly before. The Deseret News has chosen not to publish Lyndsey\u2019s last name. <\/p>\n

In 2006, 19-year-old Lyndsey got married. She said she knew she was unhappy even then, but felt like she didn\u2019t have a choice. \u201cIn that moment, I felt like I was living my best life,\u201d she said. The couple had their first child in 2007. Two more kids would follow in the coming years. <\/p>\n

But there were red flags. She says he would push a lifestyle that she didn\u2019t believe in. He became increasingly controlling and emotionally abusive. Now, with almost 20 years of hindsight, the red flags are easier to spot \u2014 but it remains difficult to describe.<\/p>\n

\u201cEven now, people ask, \u2018What did he do?\u2019 I don\u2019t really know how to put it into words,\u201d she said.  <\/p>\n

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\"merlin_3004004.jpg\"<\/p>\n

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Lyndsey holds her dog Bodie as she takes a break from an interview about surviving domestic violence in her previous relationship at her home in Santaquin on Tuesday, Oct. 24, 2023.<\/p>\n<\/figcaption><\/span><\/p>\n

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Kristin Murphy, Deseret News<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/figure><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n

That\u2019s a common refrain from survivors of domestic violence, some of whom don\u2019t know they are being abused. Lyndsey says for years she was conditioned to feel like this was a normal relationship. She was subjected to jealousy, isolation and financial control, common themes of other cases.  <\/p>\n

\u201cProbably 80% of domestic violence cases are never even reported, because a lot of victims just assume that\u2019s part of being in a relationship,\u201d said Greg Skordas, KSL legal analyst and defense attorney. In his 40-plus year career, he\u2019s had a domestic violence case come into his office almost every week. <\/p>\n

A common component in these cases is destruction of property, like breaking a cellphone or preventing someone from leaving the house \u2014 acts indicative of controlling, manipulative behavior. <\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s intimidation. In order to get somebody to comply with what you want, you don\u2019t have to use violence every time,\u201d said Martha Burkett Fallis, a founding member of the Amethyst Center For Healing, a Salt Lake-based nonprofit that provides counseling for people who have experienced or perpetrated domestic violence.<\/p>\n

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